Some lies destroyed by truths

New Beginnings

2005-12-16T09:30:57Z

Hooray i have a new job and it is a great one!!! Am most pleased.

lifestyle of ollioe

2005-11-15T17:24:18Z

Advanced Global Personality Test Results

Extraversion	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	60%
Stability	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Orderliness	\|\|\|\|\|\|	23%
Accommodation	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Interdependence	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	76%
Intellectual	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Mystical	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Artistic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	90%
Religious	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Hedonism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Materialism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	36%
Narcissism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Adventurousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	36%
Work ethic	\|\|\|\|	16%
Self absorbed	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Conflict seeking	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Need to dominate	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	83%

Romantic	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Avoidant	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Anti-authority	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Wealth	\|\|\|\|\|\|	23%
Dependency	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Change averse	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	36%
Cautiousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	76%
Individuality	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	76%
Sexuality	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Peter pan complex	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	76%
Physical security	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Physical Fitness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Histrionic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Paranoia	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	36%
Vanity	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Hypersensitivity	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Female cliche	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%

Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

Kate Bush

2005-11-13T22:20:41Z

WOW the new album is that good!!! I would put it top five albums of the last five years. It is just very very beautiful. Love it.

archieyap @ 2005-11-08T21:15:00

2005-11-08T13:16:07Z

This Is My Life, Rated
Life:	6.8
Mind:	5.9
Body:	7.8
Spirit:	6.7
Friends/Family:	6.5
Love:	4.3
Finance:	4.8
Take the Rate My Life Quiz

I have wonderful legs

2005-11-04T17:16:04Z

So enough of msn already, arent people sick of the way it drops out all the friggin time? Go to google and get Skype, it is such a cool programme and you can use it like a free phone as well as sending messages on it. Oh fuck this sounds like i am advertising for it. I guess i am. Only cos it is cool and free, i am the cheapest person in the cosmos.

Stage presence, delivery etc

2005-11-04T06:45:37Z

Reliving last nights stand up effort at the Hyde Park, i have decided not to be so harsh on myself. True, there were bits i was less than happy with, but for something so hastily thrown together, i had some good lines. The nan and grandad dying? And me covered in crumbs? Excellent stuff. Your dads probably just piss on your faces, again lovely stuff. It had a strong start in general, then pettered off toward the end when i realised that the story was not really going anywhere. I think for any other comic to have performed that last night, they would have been fairly happy. For me, however, a dedicated perfectionist, it left a lot to be desired. Overall 4.3/10

archieyap @ 2005-10-18T17:29:00

2005-10-18T09:31:44Z

Squeeky the squeegy is hot to trot,
He has all manor of things.
He goes shopping for small white dots,
to cover up his small white mistakes
so that his small white wife
does not get annoyed
and divorce him.
Why fall in love?
Why fall off walls?
Why fall into ice rivers?
Because it is more than fun.

More poetry

2005-10-18T09:28:10Z

When someone smiles at a tree,
A child cries in Germany.
When someone sings to a mouse,
Investors buy a brand new house.

When people laugh at a ninja,
brown haired people go instant ginger.
When tasty toast falls on the floor,
Elton John plays ten minutes more.

When soldiers play pictionary,
I look up 'splodge' in the dictionary.
When God has skittles for dinner,
Kate Moss wishes she were thinner.

Ahhhh poetry

2005-10-18T09:25:50Z

Cups can be made of plastic or glass,
Plates are much the same.
But when you have a cloudy day,
it can indicate rain.

Amazing foodstuffs

2005-10-17T08:00:23Z

WOW!!!! have just been blown away by the amazing Mrs Mac. Not only did she pioneer (pie in ear?) the cheese chilli and beef pie phenom, she has now released a pizza pie. And it is good!!!!! Keep up the fantastic work Mrs Mac, dont let Mr Mac get you down. Your pies and sausage rolls are amazing.

archieyap @ 2005-10-12T12:50:00

2005-10-12T04:51:20Z

http://www.freakytrigger.co.uk/indiekids.html

Have a quick peek. Quite funny

We are bloody lucky

2005-10-05T07:07:07Z

I dont know what i wanna say other than Perth is blessed with some amazingly good comedians at the mo.

True there are a lot of absolute gash merchants out there, but the new breed of Perth comedians is amazing. Very clever, surreal, always willing to try new stuff, regardless of audience. Xavier Michelides, Josh Makinda, James Eaton, Mike Goldstein, Stu Packham, Ethan Marrell, Andrew Horabin, James De Leo, Keiran Eaton, Claire Hooper, Andrea Gibb and of course the dynamic Ollie Raison (that may be me) are all doing some amazing work at the moment. They need your support, else they will fuck off to the eastern states to become institutionalized dull and safe comics. Eastern states is sooo lame, it churns out clone comedians, clones of shite no less. I am proud of Perth comedians, continually producing great work to an unenthusiastic perth audience. Ahhh well it took a while for people to notice our bands, and everyone knows how good they are. Perth is such a fucking cool place, amazing talent pool for such an isolated place, and thankfully that isolation means our influences are very diverse, we dont have to answer to anyone really. Keep supporting Perth culture, if you havent been to comedy go and see any of the acts mentioned above. If you agree please let us know!!! Wow what a fucking sucky post, I love it!!

archieyap @ 2005-09-19T15:51:00

2005-09-19T07:47:16Z

My chest hurts and i am sick like a sad puppy. I hate coughing all the time. But now i have starburst, so things are ok ish now. * N.B* THIS IS THE WORLDS MOST BORING POST.

so yeah, you know, like totally.

2005-09-12T06:33:21Z

The truth is, that if i wasnt wearing my pyjamas right now, id be nude. Well not totally, i do have my swatch on, my elvis ring and my two rubber band things that people buy to support charites, cept i just picked mine up off the floor. And one of them is red and says ' Australian Red Cross' and then you turn it round and it says 'Humanity'. The other one is white and says 'make poverty history' which i read as saying, make poverty history, as in be the poorest person ever and have no shoes and dont eat for a week, and if you do eat, make sure you dont enjoy it. So i am trying to make poverty history, maybe i can get in the guiness book of records. That'd be greater than muscles on a whelk. Saturday night, where was Ollie? IN BED BY TEN no less!!! Wow he didnt even stay up to watch Man United!!! And he didnt go to amps!!! So to all the bastards who called and smsed throughout the night, that is where i was, thankyou for repeatedly waking me. Anyway, am doing more comedy this friday night at lazy susans, so please come down, last week was amazingly great fun, and i reckon this week will be too. Anyway, enough of wearing these pyjamas, i am a slave no longer, the 'man' cant keep me in his bondage attire for ever. If you water your taste buds you will get taste flowers, which will attract birds and bees to your mouth, creating an interesting talking point amongst friends. Mwah mwahmwah, hope to see some of you wed at the scotsman. Archieyap

bill

2005-08-30T09:54:20Z

BIll had lay awake all night. Just an open pair of eyes staring at the ceiling, drawing shapes on the cornices with the aid of the moonlight. Next to him him lay his wife, his former love, now just acting as a warm blob he could put his feet on. Her big body causing the sheets to look like mountainous terrains in the half light. Bill could see little men climbing the sheer faces, setting up camps in the shadowy valleys and base jumping from the tops of her boobs. To their death no doubt, she was a big girl.
Oh crap have to go out, will finish this later. I have brand new eyeballs, got em from JB hifi. Pretty good value for sony ripoffs.

Welcome Return

2005-08-26T05:45:02Z

The worlds foremost love expert, Robbie Toes, is back tonight at lazy susans comedy den, above the brisbane hotel in highgate. Come along will be mega mega fun.

lazy bones

2005-08-24T06:39:01Z

I cant believe how lazy i am sometimes. For example i have been wanting to go to the toilet (for plop plops) for about eight hours, and i just havent bothered. It is about five metres away, but i cant be arsed putting on trousers and opening my bedroom door. So now i have much weight in the pit of my stomach. My own fault really... I have even got really good at holding my breath cos then i dont have to breathe as much. Like i said, lazy. If i was a girl i would probably wait til the night before my baby was due to get pregnant... Mwah

Anger toward hair.

2005-08-24T06:02:38Z

I hate it when there is a hair or a few hairs trapped in your keyboard, so you stop typing to fish it out with your special long hair retrieval fingernail, only to find that when you look back at the screen, you have inadvertantly typed the letter 'r' one thousand times. And i hate it when you are enojying something delightfully tasty, but you can feel a hair starting to slide down your throat, so you start doing that 'rub tongue on back of throat thing' and end up looking like a crow about to regurgitate for its young. Hair is horrid stuff once it leaves the head. Millions of them everywhere, dead pieces of people just lying around in long thin strands. Ewww its horrible. My rule book says get your haircut once every six months. Do not contribute to the hair plague by popping in to have 'the ends trimmed'. Do not pick at your split ends. Do not pull out a hair, wrap it around your index finger and use it to gently tickle your nose whilst you suck your thumb. Leave hair attached to the head please!!!
The most harmful thing to have hit western society in the last 20 years is the Brazilian wax. Removal of all your pubic hairs. Leave them in! They are harder to break down than head hairs. Most of you know what it is like to have one jammed in between your teeth, i little bit of person wire stabbing into your delicate tongue. Let it grow, harness the pheromones, embrace the forest. You wouldnt cut down a tree in a rain forest would you? So why chop down your 'trees' in your own forest? Do you even think about the pubic louse that has chained himself to the base of each hair? Its an ecosystem, leave it be. Just leave it be....

archieyap @ 2005-07-27T12:04:00

2005-07-27T04:03:35Z

My birthday tomorrow. My party sat night. Call me if you need details. You have my number. Arch

Hello. this is Archie Yap

2005-07-01T13:40:53Z

hello. my name is archie yap. yes, that really is my name. and it is good to be having good times with you my friends. now let me say something to you my sweet nubile little piglets.
i am going out on a limb here. that was all i wanted to say.
actually no, there was something else as well.
I am ABSOLUTELY SICK AND FRIGGING TIRED of these lazy livejournal bloggers who can be arsed updating their own livejournals, probably cos theyre too busy shagging, (sarcastic scoff) so they get their mates to GHOSTWRITE their blog entries for them. GHOSTBLOGGING is a pet peeve of mine. i hate it. i think its dishonest and ecil and wrong and goes against everything that ivejournal blogging whould be about.
livejournal is about having an intimate and truthful relationship with your readers. and when people GHOSTBLOG they are taking the fragile trust that has been invested in them, and they are pissing on it and grinding it into the ground like a freshly seduced guinea pig. to these people I say, away with you, you fiendish shitbags, away to hell where your friend the goatlord no doubt awaits all GHOSTBLOGGERS, child killers and others.
I, Monicker Yap, give you my honest and binding word that I would never try to carry out such an awful deception on you my dear readers. I would never ask one of my mates who is a more dilligent blogger than I and is currently sitting at my computer typing this for me as I am downstairs ordering beers at the brisbane hotel, to write my blog for me. that would just be crap and not on and I know you expexct better from me. Cheers, Archie whatshisname.

archieyap @ 2005-06-20T17:56:00

2005-06-20T09:58:45Z

i slept with a girl with the hottest body last night. 48 deg C... I ended up shoving her to the bottom of the bed and using her as a hot water bottle. Warm feet, good sleep.
Anyway I am happy again because things are all going well again. They were going well before, i just didnt take the time to recognizzzzzze. God this is a boring post, i just cannae be bothered... Love to you all.

ARCHIE.... (aka Robbie Toes)

a new poen for our book monica

2005-06-15T09:39:38Z

When i wheeze cos of asthma,
I think of you.
Standing there with a puffer in one hand,
Flask of soup in the other.
Waiting for me. Always waiting for me.
And i run right past.
Past the puffer, past the soup.
I DONT NEED YOU!!! Who are you?!
What do you want? I dont want you!
Why would i want you?
GET LOST!!
Where are you going?
Hey come back!
I want the puffer, i want the soup!!
Where are you going?
Where?
gone...

friday afternoon

2005-06-03T08:48:05Z

I am sitting in my little office, trying to keep warm and do some work, but there is a cunt downstairs (or many cunts) who keep doing bird noises. And they are really really shit ones at that. And if i wasnt so stressed i would probably go down and join them. I hate being stressed because of money. It just doesnt seem right. And the thing is i am still owed a lot by one of my jobs and it has taken forever for them to pay, so now i am behind in bills and have people getting mad at me, and there is nothing i can do at the mo!!!! And i am owed money!!! It sucks so much. Causing me to have shit sleep, not be able to eat and every other lousy thing that is associated with being below poverty. I would top myself if i could afford suicide parafanalia... So this weekend i may not go out at all. There is no point if i am poor like a church mouse. And the thing is when you are poor, you kinda think of yourself as being incredbly lonely. So i will never be poor again. I am going to have to sell out good and proper. Probably become an accountant or something stable and sensible. Cos i just dont wanna live like this no more. Being artistic, it seems, leaves you hungry, debt ridden and alone. On a lighter note, i am happy with everything else in life!

Time to post again

2005-06-02T07:50:12Z

Well i havent posted for a couple of weeks. Internet has been down and i am so fucking poor i havent been able to fix it. I hate being poor, hate having to pay catch up all the time. I reckon i am stuffed for life. So i am thinking about becoming a male prostitute. I will have fairly reasonable rates, so please, if ever you are feeling amorous or just dirty and horny, give me a call. I do have EFTPOS and credit facilities. I am skilled in the art of love so dont see my fee as a payment, more a donation to a worthy cause.

I am soooooo sick of doing stand up. It never bleeding goes anywhere does it? And i dont have the fear factor anymore, i dont get scared and so i have not put in any effort whatsoever since January. So my shows have been suffering. If only there was a reason to do standup. But there is nothing!!! AHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Am in desparate need of a haircut. Im thinking of one similar to the one i had done in melbourne, although that could be dangerous as i will constantly be looking in mirrors. Haircuts are so cool in the way they can give you a confidence boost, if you think you are looking good, then you kinda act that way too. I think a lot of how i live my life is based on the opinion that i have of myself at the time. For instance at the mo i have no money and a shit haircut. So i am surly and grumpy with people. When i get paid i will get a haircut and feel good again, so i will be like a shining beacon of light. Or not... Im going now, to find a beenie to cover my stupid head. Take care, Arch

archie silenced

2005-05-16T04:34:36Z

At around four o clock sunday morning, my voice started to get slightly husky. It was a night of wild excess, well not just a night, it continuted til two in the morn on monday. Anyway by six in the morning voice was def on the way out. I was still talking and being told that although it did indeed sound quite sexy, it was fucked. And so on and on and on and by midday i was a whisper. And then i just couldnt talk. And i did not speak to anyone, not one word until I spoke to jessyca about the TORNADO in bicton. And that was at midday monday. So i did a full 24 hours without speaking. And for those of you who know how much i love to talk, this was like a mini death. Indulgence, it seems, comes at a price.